Saten Twist adventures
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: A series of short spoofs towards Episodes and Fanfics. The series also is used to introduce my anti hero OC, Saten Twist.
1. Chapter 1

9PM AT NIGHT:

AppleJack: (_in one of rare times she's not wearing her hat is seen tiredly trotting home. Suddenly a red Pony falls out the sky, and almost hits her)._

AppleJack: Saten Twist?

Saten: *drunkily* H Hey Applejack

AppleJack: Are ya drunk or something?

Saten: *dizzily* No I'm no- A little

AppleJack: *giggles* Y'all really need some sort of intervention. Ah mean this is the third time this week.

Suddenly Saten Twist squeeze hugged her, even though it was clear Applejack wasn't completely comfortable with it.

Saten: I I love you Applejack. Let's grow old together in everyway. (_demonic voice_) EVERY-WAY!

AppleJack *trying to push him off her*: Yeah.. About that.. Look. We only been on 'one' date. It didn't even end well,. But since then. Ya showed up at my house four times.. Uninvited!

Saten: Yeah.. So?

AppleJack: Look. Ah don't wanna seem like a mean girl, but. As ah told ya one hundred times before.. We're not a couple. So stop acting like we are.

Saten: *dumbly* I I don't understand?

AppleJack: Look. Ah'm sorry sugercube. But yer too crazy for me.

Saten: How am I crazy!?

AppleJack: Well., For starters ya often rob people. Even me.

Saten: Oh come on. You never wear that t shirt.

Applejack: Sweetie, that's not the point!

Saten: Fine. Fine.. But I still bought you this *gives her the hat that is now iconic*

* * *

THE NEXT DAY/SUMMER SUN CELEBRATION:

* * *

Saten Twist is trotting around without any proper destination, still abit hungover, and grumpy about AppleJack. Unfortantly for him, he was nearly hit by the carriage Twilight and Spike arrived in, since this is back when she first came to ponyville.

Twilight: Ohh. Sorry..

Saten: You from canterlot?

Twilight: How do you know?

Saten: Can tell by the type of carriage.

Twilight: Hope that isn't a problem.

Saten: No. No.. Just as long as you never end up becoming an alicorn princess.

Twilight: Yeah.. That would be weird.

Spike and Twilight got out and soon met Pinkie, but joining their bizarre interaction her. Saten Twist was in thr background, and ended up stealing the carriage for no full reason other then boredom.

* * *

AppleJack was bucking apples, when she heard her name start being called up.

Saten: AppleJack! Up here!

AppleJack *looks up to see him*: Saten Twist!? What the hell are ya doing here!?

Saten: That Dosen't matter. What do you think of my carriage!? *proves to be still riding in it*

AppleJack: Sugercube. Please tell me ya didn't steal that in some lame tempt ta win me back over.

Saten: That depends.. Is it working?

AppleJack: No. Not at all.. Now. Please go away. Ah'm busy.

Saten: Fine. Whatever. *flies away with it*

* * *

After flying in the carriage all day. Saten Twist saw there that there was something going on in the tree liberary. And peaked inside.

Pinkie: that's why. I threw this party, and invited everyone in ponyville.

Saten: *groans* Not me.. But oh well. Just me and my car- Crap. The carriage is gone.. Oh well. It was getting boring anyway.

END OF EPISODE ONE..


	2. Chapter 2

Pinkie came out of her tent, with her hair even crazier then usual.

Fluttershy: Oh, Gose, Pinkie. I love your new style.

Rainbow: Who are these ponies!?

Pinkie: Isn't this great? I couldn't sleep last night 'cause I was so excited about cider season, and I had this brilliant idea to come down here and camp out, so I told a few others about it and they all thought it was a great idea too, and now it's just a big old cider party! Woo-hoo!

Fluttershy: Oh, yay!

Rainbow: Oh, FU-

* * *

AppleJack: Well. We're almost ready to open.

Saten: *literary pops out of nowhere* Hey Jacky!

Applejack: *facehoof* Oh, jeeze, not you again.

AppleBloom: Hey Saten Twist.

Saten: Hey kiddo. Ever had rum.

AppleBloom: No.

Saten: Do you want to?

AppleBloom: Sure!

AppleJack: NOO!

AppleJack: For god sakes she's a little kid.

Saten: So.. I had mine, before I could talk. My mom said it was the only way t-

AppleJack: Ah don't have time for anouther one of yer mother issue stories.. Now please go away Saten!

Saten: You always say that.

AppleJack: Because ya always give me a reason too!

Saten: So you DO love me!

AppleJack: What!? That dosen't even mak... WHAT!?

Saten: *laughs* I can't wait to tell my friends!

* * *

Master Sword: (**an OC someone allowed me to use**) For the last time! I'm not your friend!.. I never even met you.

Saten: Sure we are. You invited me to your birthday.

Master Sword: No. You 'showed up' at my birthday.. I don't even know how you found my house.

Saten: Yeah. Yeah.. So you coming to mine?

Master Sword: No I... Fine.

* * *

Twilight: Isn't this exciting, Spike? Opening day of cider season!

Spike: Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!

AppleJack: [through megaphone] Attention, everypony! Cider season is now officially open!

Ponys: (_cheer_)

Saten Twist: Whoo! Love you Applejack!

AppleJack: [_though megaphone_] Go ta hell!

Saten Twist: (_naively, and off view_) You too sweetie!

* * *

Rainbow: Why can't you make enough cider for all of us? Or at least for me!

Master Sword: I have an extra on-

Rainbow: Go away!

Master Sword: *runs off*

* * *

The Flim Flam device is approaching.

Sword: Guess we have anouther one of those travelers.

Saten: Yeah. Hopefully they're be an improvement over that magician girl.

* * *

*family guy like cutaway*

Trixie: Thanks for taking me for lunch. Never been to this place.

Saten: Hey. Your a good friend.

Trixie: Thanks. So are you.

Saten: Is it true you took down a Ursa Major?

Trixie: No.. I just said that for popularity.

Saten Twist: Ohh... (gets angrier) Well your just a big #$%in lier aren't you!

Trixie: (nervously stands up)

Saten: (threateningly points one of the knives) SIT DOWN!

* * *

Flim: If you refuse our offer to be partners. We're just have to be competitors.

AppleJack: You wouldn't dare!

* * *

*no more ideas. So. I'll just do a quick ending*

AppleBloom: Thanks to this silly compiliation. We have enough of our cider for the whole town.

AppleJack: Except Saten Twist!

Saten: Oh come on.. So I added a little Volga. It's no worse then when I put it in my fruitpunch.

Sword: There's something seriously wrong with you isn't there?

END OF EPISODE 2


	3. Chapter 3

AppleBloom: This town is full of ponies who have their cutie marks. Why don't we ask them how they did it?

Sweetie Belle: That's a great ''safe'' idea.

Scootaloo: Yeah. And we can start wit-

Saten: *suddenly pops out* Me! Me! Start with me!

Scootaloo: *sighs* Okay. Fine.. How did you get your cutie mark?

Sweetie Belle: Ohh. This might be interesting actually *cutely sits down to lesson*

Saten: Well.. It's part of why Derpy and I had to move from fillydelphia.

* * *

Filly Derpy: *jumping on bed, but her eyes seen as normal and she dosen't have her cutie mark*

Filly Saten: Hey Derp. Quite that already, your gonna hurt yourself.

Filly Derpy: *subbornly* Shut up! Your not the boss of me.. *bangs her head on the roof, making her have the cross eyed disign*

Filly Saten: My god, your okay!?

Filly Derpy: *calmly and unaware of her new look* Sure, why do you ask?

SOON AFTER

Filly Saten: Please don't tell your mom about this having happened at my house. She'll automatically blaim me, like she always dose.

Filly Derpy: Whatever. *sudden knock on the door witch reveals to be a pony called Reggie. One who has always been a bully towards them. And only containues this tradition by making fun of Derpy's new look*

Filly Saten Twist: Why you- *sudden there's the rainboom explosion and and Derpy runs to a window, to watch it*

Filly Derpy: hey cuz did you see tha- OH MY GOD!

Filly Saten: *suddenly covered in red, and holding weapon* I'm sorry I-

Filly Derpy: DID YOU STAB REGGIE!

Filly Saten: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Filly Derpy: HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THAT KNIFE SO FAST?!

Filly Saten: I'M SOR-

* * *

All three crusaders have shocked faces.

Saten: Well.. You wanted my cutie mark story. And that's how I got it.

Scootaloo: But you-

Saten: He disearved it!

AppleBloom: *nervously* Sure. Sure.. We should go

*the other two nervously agree*

Saten: Well.. Good seeing you kids. *flies off*

Sweetie Belle: That was scary.

Scootaloo: Your telling m-

Voice: Get back here! You thieving varmints!

AppleBloom: Thievin' what now?

AppleJack; *reveals herself* Oh hey girls.

AppleBloom: Hey sis! How'd ya get your cutie mark?

Sweetie Belle: And please let it be less nightmarish then Saten Twist's.

AppleJack: Ya asked Saten Twist?

Sweetie Belle: Yes.. Wish we didn't. But yes.

AppleJack: Yes. He's quite the character.

Scootaloo: Did he really kill that guy.

AppleJack: Killed. Injured. No one waited long enough to find out.

AppleJack: But anyway.. Ah never told you that story?

Scootaloo: Hey! I thought we were gonna ask Rainbow Dash.

AppleBloom: We need all the help we can get.

AppleJack: Ugh. Fine.

* * *

In sugercubes..

Rainbow: I hear ''you're'' looking for my awesome cutie mark story.

Saten: *groans and holding beer bottle* yeah, because mine sure 'wasn't' awesome.

Rainbow: Shut up Saten.

Saten: No need to be rude about it *takes sip of beer, and walks out of view*

* * *

Pinkie: We all owe our cutie marks to you!

Fluttershy: Do you realize what this means? All of us had a special connection before we even met.

Rarity: We've been BFFs forever and we didn't even know it!

AppleJack: Come here y'all! *they all hug*

SB &amp; AB: Awww

Scootaloo: Ewww!

Saten: how can one rainboom connect all destinies, and not mine.

Derpy: Well. You didn't see it, but I did, before seeing.. Well. You know.

Saten: Oh.. Weird.

Derpy: Yeah.. By the way would you watch Dinky for me?

Saten: Well. I'm busy, but I'm sure I ca-

Derpy; Great! *gives him Dinky and flies out one of the windows*

Saten: Find.. Someone else.. *groans*

END OF STORY 3


	4. Chapter 4

Rainbow: Careful Derpy. Don't want to cause anymore damage then you already have.

Derpy: I just don't know what went wrong *lightning zaps*

Rainbow: Yeah. It's a mystery... Same as why your Saten Twisr recommended you.

Derpy: Because I'm awesom- *accidently knocks everything over*

Rainbow: That's it.. *puts her on the ground* just sit there and do 'nothing'

Deroy: *sits down, but even doing this, leads to distruction*

Derpy: Sorry

Rainbow: *growls* not as sorry as that cousin of yours is gonna be

* * *

Mayor: Yes, we are all here to send Applejack to compete in this year's Equestria Rodeo competition in Canterlot. *crowd cheers... And I want to thank Applejack in advance for generously offering up her prize money to fix town hall.

Master Sword: *groans* Yeah. Cause it's not like I offered to do it.

Saten: Hey. People would give 'anything' to her.. Because she's so-

Master Sword: I don't need to hear anouther one of your AppleJack fantasies.. After all, this is a kids show.

Saten: Whatever.

* * *

AppleJack: This here is the nicest send off anypony could ask for. Y'all have been cheering me on in every rodeo since ah was a ''little'' little pony. So it seems only fittin' to use my winnings to fix up town hall. I promise to make Ponyville proud. *crowd cheers*

Saten: haha, Such a sexy voice.

Master Sword: Your pathetic.

* * *

Granny Smith: I want you to show all them highfalutin rodeo ponies what a ''real'' rodeo pony's like!

AppleJack: Sure, sure.

Mayor: And bring back all the money!AppleJack: *getting into the train* of coarse, of coarse.

Saten: Maybe I should kiss you for good luck!

AppleJack: Absolutely not.

Saten: Ohh. Your just playing hard to get.

AppleJack: Sure.. Let's go with that.*the train leaves*

Master Sword: *calling out* Don't dieeee!

* * *

Fluttershy: Ohh. I hope Applejack is surprised by this party.

Rainbow: Well, that ''is'' the point.

Fluttershy: I know. I ju- *sees something missing from the table* Hey were's my pen.

Saten: *nervously* Good question. We're in deed.

Twilight: Saten Twist! Give it back!

Saten: Fine.. But just trying to have some fun.

* * *

Twilight: *reading letter* It's from Applejack. "Family and friends, not coming back to Ponyville. Don't worry, will send money soon". That's all it says.

AppleBloom: Applejack's... not comin' back!?

Derpy: Oh no!.. She'll miss my cousin's alcohol intervention.

Saten: I don't need a stupid intervention *pours powerful amounts of Rum into some fruit punch*

Rainbow: Woah! Woah! What do you mean Applejack's not coming back?! She loves Ponyville!

Granny Smith: And she loves sweet apple aches!

AppleBloom: And she loves her family!

Saten: *burp*

Twilight: Don't worry. We'll search all of Equestria if we have to. We'll bring her back.

END OF STORY 4


	5. Chapter 5

Spike: You guys are such perverts.

Snips: Oh. You say it like its a bad thing.

Spike: It 'is' a bad thing.

Snails: Hey. What's so bad about spying on BonBon and Lyra Armstrong.

Spike: Everything.

Snails: Oh come on. Just tell us who's hotter.

Spike: I don't know. But neither do I care.

Voice: *aham*

Spike: Dash?

Rainbow: You guys aren't even hiding.

Snails: Makes it less obvious.

Rainbow: Fair enough.

* * *

Rainbow: I'M NOT #$%IN GAY!

Lyra: Are you sure. Cause this whole lesbian tantrum, isn't helping your point.

Rainbow: #$% YOU *prepares punch*

Spike: Wow. Wow. Calm down Dashie..

Rainbow: Fine. *tries calming down*

BonBon: Still a lesbian!

Rainbow: *growls and punches BonBon square in the face*

Rainbow: YOU STUPID #$%!

BonBon and Lyra run off in fear.

Rainbow: #$% THOSE #$%IN, MOTHER #$%IN PIECES OF #$%!., HOW COULD THEY #$%IN SAY THAT!... FUCK!

* * *

Rainbow: I bet I could make even YOU fall in love with me!

Spike: Good luck with that.

Rainbow: No need for luck. I'm awesome!

Spike: Whatever you say.

* * *

Saten Twist and Derpy approach sugercubes and see that it's crowded, and Pinkie has pages saying Team rainbow, team Spike.

Saten Twist: *imitating Stewie from Family guy* Da hell is this!?

Pinkie: Didn't you hear?

Derpy: Hear what?

Pinkie: Dash made a bet with Spike that she'll make him fall in love with her.

Saten: Annnd. Your taking advantage of your friends by going into their personal business by betting money on it.

Pinkie: I... Guess.

Saten: No fair! I was gonna do that!

Derpy: SATEN!

Saten: What? It's true.

Pinkue: Hey.. How about this. You can be on my team. And if neither wins. We're split the money.

Saten: ... Done *they brohoof*

* * *

Rainbow: Rairty!.. Rarity I need makeover.

Rarity: Haha. Very funny.

Rainbow: I'm serious!

Rarity: It'll take to lon-

Rainbow: *angrily* RARITY! I'm desperate!.. Now make me hot or I swear, I'll set your head on fire!

Rarity; Fine. Fine..

* * *

Rainbow Dash, having her new makeover a success, waited for Spike up on a cloud. Suddenly she was approached by Derpy.

Derpy: Oh. There you are.

Rainbow: Hello Derpy.

Derpy: Soooo.. Is it true?

Rainbow: Is what true?

Derpy: Rumors say your trying to get Spike to fall in love with you, simply to prove your not a lesbian.

Rainbow: Yeah. So?

Derpy: Isn't that rather mean of you?

Rainbow: Derpy. Please. When have I EVER been mean.

* * *

CUTAWAYS:

_Canterlot wedding: _

Chrysalis: I am feeding on Shinings love. And am now even more powerful then Celestia! Rainbow: Your a #$%in bitch! Chrysalis: *proudly* yes. Yes I am.

_Booster buster:_

Trixie: Anything you can do. I can do better. Rainbow: *immataing Peter Griffin* Oh my god! Who the hell! Caaaares!

_Read it and weep_:

Rainbow: No way. Reading is for eggheads like you Twilight!

_Nightmare moon part 1:_

Rainbow: *seeing what happened to Twilight's hair* Hahaha! You look like an idiot!

(END CUTAWAYS):

* * *

Rainbow: Yeah. Well.. Least I never got my name and voice changed.

Derpy: *gasps* You swore you'd never speak of that!

Rainbow: Sure. Whatever you say, Ditzy..

* * *

Down at Sugercubes. The tensions started rising. Both teams were certain they were gonna win the money.

Derpy: I still don't like any of this. The whole idea seems kinda cruel.

BonBon: *rudely* No one asked you.

Saten: *angrily* Hey! Be nice to her, or I'll hurt you.

BonBon: I'm not scared of you. Your just alcoholic with childhood mother issues, and no father.

Saten: Yeah, well.. Your a bit-

Pinkie: Everyone please calm down.. What's a cake, without the icing.

Saten: what is that suppose to mean?

Pinkie: I don't know.. But it sure felt good saying it.

* * *

Saten: You know.. Maybe you and I could be the next to attempt this kind of challenge.

AppleJack: Yea-No..

* * *

With the town having gone crazy. Dash flew herself and Spike out of Ponyville.

Spike: Man, am I glad to be out of that crazyplace.

Dash: Yeah.. I am done with this stupid contest., besides. I think I'm falling in love with you.

Spike: Really? Because I coul-

Dash: *bursts into laughter* You are sooooo gullible!

Spike: ...

* * *

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER!

* * *

Saten: Well.. They dropped the contest. Guess that means we win.

Pinkie: Yeah.. But I feel bad about having taken advantage my friends. So I guess I'll ju-

Saten: Give it all to me!.. Pinkie you are the best *sqeeze hug's her before he starts picking up the hundreds of coins*

Pinkie: Actully.. I was gonna give it to chari-

Saten: Haha! I'm gonna be rich!

Pinkie: *cutely chuckles* I guess there's no stopping you.

Saten: Nope.

Pinkie: What you gonna do with all that?

Saten: Not sure yet.

Pinkie: Hey.. Maybe if you buy your mother something nice, you're finally be at piece with her.

Saten: I try that every mothers day. Give nice jewellery or whatever else girls like.. She just gets drunk, and yells insults at me for the entire time I'm there..

Pinkie: But.. It will be something 'way' more expensiv-

Saten: Won't matter. She Dosen't love me. Period..

Pinkie: *growls* What is her deal!?

Saten: Don't know. Don't care.. But I'm bying a 70 inch plasma tv with all this.

Pinkie: With Netflix?

Saten: Obviously.

Pinkie: Will it also be in 3D?

Saten: *angrily* NO! THAT'S A STUPID FUCKIN GIMIC! AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!

Pinkie: Whatever.

END OF STORY 5


	6. Chapter 6

**This episode stars SWEETIE BELLE as the protagonist **

* * *

Rarity: Sweetie Belle, I adore having you help me, truly I do, but...

SweetieBelle: Guess I got a little carried away. It's just that I know how important it is for you to finish this wardrobe in time for Sapphire Shores and her backup dancers.

Rarity: This is without a doubt my most prestigious order ever. After all, Sapphire Shores is ''the'' pony of pop, and her Equestria-wide tour launches in Canterlot next week! Which means she must have these outfits by day after tomorrow at the latest!

SweetieBelle: ... You lost me.

Rarity: *groans annoyedly* Coarse I have..

* * *

Rarity: *out of breath* I'm here!.. I'm here!.. I brought the costumes.

SweetieBelle: *happily* You made it!Rarity: Oh, I beg your pardon for cutting it so close, but out of all my business. I somehow found enough time to work on your costumes as well.

* * *

Saten: Hey. Nice perfamance.

SweetieBelle: Really!?. Everyone only cares about the stupid dresses. *sudden anger* This always happens! Rarity always outshines me.

Saten: Hey. Siblings do that.. In fact.. When I was your age. I won a ribbin at a science fair, my project was called "do Lima beans nurture under classical music". But my unimpressed mother simply just pointed out that it was a rip off of my older brother's project "do Lima beans grow better in rock and roll". And well.. I ended up losing the ribbon and it was given to my stinkin brother.

2 HOURS LATER

Saten: *now angrier* First off, the projects were completely differenty. I was showing the classic music 'nurtures' Lima beans. But my stupid mother didn't lesson.. If your like to see the relationship between nurturing and growth, I'd like to point out that my brother is EIGHT INCHES TALLER THAN ME!

Saten: ... Anyway. I hope that helpe- (sees that Sweetie Belle must of ran off quite some time ago)

* * *

SweetieBelle stormed home and started confronting her sister.

Rarity: Honey. If this is one of those emotional talks about you wetting the bed, I really don't wanna hear about i-

SweetieBelle: *angrily* That's not what this is Rarity!.. It's about about those stupid dresses!

Rarity: Oh.. Were they hated? Cause I make new ones.

SweetieBelle: No! They were perfect! TOO perfect!.. Nobody watched it for anything else! Only the outfits!

Rarity: I.. I don't understand?

SweetieBelle: *angrily* It's like my fifth birthday all over again!

Rarity: I.. Don't understand... Why are you angry sweetie? Are you constipated?..

SweetieBelle: This is nothing to do with water!

Rarity: Darling, I think you miss heard m-

SweetieBelle: I HATE YOU!

Rarity: But why!?

SweetieBelle: I'm gonna go eat 20 buckets of ice cream. And not gain any weight, due to this being a cartoon!

Rarity: Bu-

SweetieBelle: *offview* Good day Mr White!

Rarity: ... You really need to stop watching that show.

* * *

Sweetie Belle was too angry to sleep, and decided to take revenge on Rarity.

* * *

SweetieBelle plans to ruin one of Rarity's hats.

Angle on her shoulder: No! Don't do it!

Devil on shoulder: Don't lesson to that sissy. Do it!

Angle: Who you calling a sissy!

Devil: You... Sissy.

SweetieBelle: Guys this isn't helping.

Angle: Look. Look.. Rarity didn't mean it.

SweetieBelle: Wow.. Guess your right..

Angle: That's right. Now just go back to be- *literary gets shot by a gun that the devil pulls out*

SweetieBelle: OH MY GOD!

Devil: *points the tiny gun* DO IT! DO IT NOW!

SweetieBelle: *puts hands up* Okay. Okay. Take it.. Take it easy *nervously goes back to ruining the hat*

* * *

SweetieBelle: Princess Luna!? Is it really you?

Luna: Yep. I'm the princess of the night. And it's my duty to come into your dreams.

SweetieBelle: *points off view* What about him?

FreddyKrueger: Hey. Hey. I'm not involved in this!

SweetieBelle: Wait. If this a dream the- *makes mirror appear* Haha. Awesome.

Luna: Lesson. I know how it feels to be outshines by-

SweetieBelle: Man. I look good!

Luna: *throws the mirror off view, and break sound is heard* FOCUS!

SweetieBelle: Okay. Okay.

Luna: As I was saying.. I too have a sister who often shines more brightly than me, and with this, I have struggled.

SweetieBelle: Please don't have this turn into a scrooge like plot.

Luna: Too late! *sends them back in time*

* * *

SweetieBelle: I remember this. This is my fifth birthday party! I decided to make a grand entrance. I made myself all beautiful, just like my big sister.

Luna: I'm pretty sure they wanted you to just show up in general.

SweetieBelle: *ignores her* Anyway. When I finally finished. I kept posing at the top of the stairs, waiting to be noticed..

Luna: Now your sounding like Tara Strong..

SweetieBelle: That a good thing?

Luna: No. Not even a little.

(just kidding... Tara is alright.. But Jane Lynch is still better).

* * *

SweetieBelle: See! Even at my own birthday! Rarity outshined me.

Luna: Or.. Maybe you didn't get the full story.

* * *

Sweetie now realised that Rarity was never trying to outshine her. She was just buying time, till Sweetie Belle arrived. IF she arrived.

* * *

Rarity: Ooh... Sapphire Shores is such a big star and such a stickler for details. What if everything's not perfect enough?... Oh, buck up, Rarity, stop this foolishness. You've done your best and left nothing to chance! All that's needed now is a good night's rest.

_Wait.. Stop the train. Like in The Incredibles, when he stops the train because of his superpower.. Did she just say "buck it?". I believe she did. I took that from the original script. So.. She clearly it is. Thats HILARIOUS! Epically when you read Cheerliee's Gardon, and see it being used as replacement for the F word. But this is a kids show, so if wasn't meant that way. But considering Spongebob ended up involving swears it's possible. Either 's funny to me._

* * *

Luna ended up showing SweetieBelle, that ruining ONE design, would ruin all of Rarity's would end becoming the plot of "Rarity's Dress".

* * *

SweetieBelle: Thanks for flying us over.

Derpy: Mwa.. Still beats Saten's job.

_CUTAWAY:_

_Saten Twist is seen having to watch over Fluffle Puff for a while. And much to his annoyance, Fluffle Puff is nibbling on one of back hooves the whole time._

_Saten. *groans* That payment better be worth it_

_END CUTAWAY:_

AppleBloom: Well. Still appreciated.

* * *

SweetieBelle: Let's hope we're not to late.

Scootaloo: I don't get it.. I thought you 'wanted' Rarity's design ruined.

SweetieBelle: That was when I suffered in silence, about thinking she was always out shining me.

Scootaloo: *annoyedly* Suffered in 'silence'

SweetieBelle: Yes. But after Luna approaching my dreams. I had a change of heart.

AppleBloom; Then let's go! *they run ahead*

Scootaloo: Suf... *angrily* SILENCE!?

* * *

Rarity was about to show off her design, when Sweetie Belle ran in. Soon turning it into a chase sequence.

* * *

SweetieBelle: Here's the truth... I was upset at you for stealing the spotlight from me at the play, so I pulled out the center stitch to the headpiece so it would fall apart.

Rarity: *angry* What!?

SweetieBelle: But then I realized I didn't want your future to be ruined forever and ever, so I came back to change it before it was too late! So... here it is. It's all fixed. Please forgive me.

Rarity: Forgive you!? How could I forgive yo-

Sweetie Belle: *puppy eyes*

Rarity: *sighs* finnnnne

* * *

END OF STORY 6


	7. Chapter 7

**INSIDE A LOCAL BREWERY:**

Saten: Fired!? Why am I fired!?

Boss pony: Cause you only been here a week, and you keep getting drunk on the samples.

Saten: Okay. Not gonna lie.. I 'might' be an acholalic.

Boss pony: *sarcastically* yeaaaah.. Kinda got that. Thanks for clarifying though.

* * *

LATER

* * *

Derpy (showing to be his neighbor, no different than in Filliydefia): Saten? Good day at the your job?

Saten: (_sighs_) You know what'll be nice. If I could come back, and have five minutes, before you JUMP ALL OVER MY BACK!

Derpy: That bad huh?

Saten: (_sighs_) I was fired.

Derpy: That's horrible.. But I DID warn you about drinking the samples..

Saten: Oh well. Back to reading those online stories..

Derpy: Oh. Ever read the one with Trixie?

* * *

CUTAWAY:

Trixie: Yes.. It is I! The gay and pitiful Trixie, and I-

Scoot: Nobody! Cares! Trixie!

Trixie: Fair enough.. But do any of you want to come into my funhouse?

AppleBloom: Umm. No thanks.

Trixie: Oh come on.. It's not like I'm gonna rape and murder you, under Rarity's orders..

Scootaloo: No Trixie!

SweetieBelle: But. She said she's 'not' gonna do that.

AppleBloom: Yeah. Seems reasonable.

Trixie: Exactly.. Lesson to your sexy friends..

Scoot: Or.. Why don't you just fuck off Trixie!

Trixie: But it's just around the corne-

Scoot: *getting angry* I'm serious. Go away!

Trixie: *starts leaving* Not even for a min-

Scoot: *angrily screaming* JUST SCREW OFF!

Trixie: *frightenedly runs off*

Scoot: *angrily* God! She just comes out of nowhere!.. So annoying!

CUTAWAY ENDS:

* * *

THE NEXT DAY:

* * *

Saten was seen in a local bar.

Saten: (_pounds counter_) WERE'S MY DRINK!?

Bartender: Sir. You haven't oldered one yet.

Saten: Oh, right.. Give me.. Hell, what's the strongest alcohol you got?

Bartender: I don't know.. Whiskey.

Saten: Great.. I'll have the Rum.

Bartender: If you say..

Derpy: (_runs over excitedly_) Saten! Saten!. I have great news.. Someone asked me out.

Saten: Oh.. Did they now?

Derpy: Yeah. He somehow has gotten his hooves on tickets to the grand galloping gala, tomorrow..

Saten: That's tomarrow!?

Derpy: Yeah.. Crazy huh?

Saten: Oh well. I'm happy for you.

Derpy: (_sadly_) If only you were able to come also.

Saten: Who says I'm not.. In fact.. I also have a date..

* * *

Applejack: NO!

Saten: Oh come on. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't go together.

AppleJack: I can name 'ten' good reasons.

Saten: (_desperately_) I'll give you 40 dollars!

AppleJack: ... (_groaning_) Finnne.. But only as a friend.. Very.. Very.. Uncomfortable friendship.

Saten: Good enough for me.

ApplrJack: And promise your stop spying on me so much after this.

Saten: I never spy on you.

AppleJack: You were doing it just now!

Saten: No I... Fair enough.

* * *

AppleJack: (_wearing the same dress she did last time she went to the Galla, as see and Saten were somehow to take a stage coach to the yearly party_) I don't get it. How did ya even get tickets? I thought it was sold out.

Saten: Ohh.. I have my way.

* * *

CUT AWAY:

Saten: Dude! I need your grand gollaping galla tickets!

Mastersword: No way dude.

Saten: Fine.. I guess I'll ju- (_snatches them and flies off as fast he can_)

Mastersword: (_angrily_) Hey!

Saten: *is already gone*

Mastersword: (_sighs_) And he wonders why I never invite him to anything.

CUT AWAY ENDS:

* * *

Saten: Besides.. All that matters is we're here.. *anxiously* Now we're is Derpy!?

AppleJack: (_chuckles_) What are ya, her mother?.. She's fine, just in another stage coach.

Saten: I'm sorry.. It's just.. She's all I got.

AppleJack: Ah know. Ya told me earlier..

Saten: Fine.. I'll try to relax.

AppleJack: Good.

Saten: So... Wanna make out?

AppleJack: Wha- NO!

Saten: Why not!?

AppleJack: Because ah have pepper spray in my pocket.

Saten: Why?

AppleJack: For when ya try ta get all creepy like that.

Saten: But kissing is what you do on dates.

AppleJack: For the last time! This isn't a date!.. It's just me doing something nice for ya, and we agreed to leave it at that... Besides. Twilight will be there. And she'll want ta see me.

Saten: Why?... Oh. Right.. The princess thing.

* * *

Derpy: Ahh., here we are at last.. Grand Gollaping Galla.. It's so beauitfu- *bangs into someone*

Aqua (**an borrowed OC**): *rudely* Hey. Watch where your going lady.

Derpy: Don't have to be mea-

Aqua: *rudely* Just leave me alone! *leaves*

Derpy: *eyes narrow*

Derpy: *Sudden happiness* This place just gets better and better.

Saten: So.. We're is this date of yours?

Derpy: He'll be here..

Stallion: *out of breath* I'm here. I'm here.

Derpy: Speak of the devil.. There he is.

Saten: Oh.. *laughs* Are you sure?

Derpy: Haha. Very funny.. His name is GoldenGrape.

Grape: That's my name. Don't rare it out.

Saten: *annoyedly* Nobody says that anymore. So please don't 'start' saying it.

AppleJack: *annoyedly roles eyes*.. I'm gonna go get some punch.

Derpy: Can I come?

AppleJack: Uhh.. *grins* Sure, why not.

Derpy: *happily* Great. *The girls leave the area*

Grape: I have to admit.. Derpy is a lot less attractive in person.

Saten: Oh. Is that so?

Grape: Yeah.. But baggers can't be choosers.

Saten: (_fake laugh_) good one... May I see your pen?

Grape: Uhh., Sure (_gives him a pen from his pocket_)

Saten: Thanks.. Now. What was that about Derpy?

Grape: That, she's kinda uglier in person.

Saten: I see... (_suddenly, and aggressively, stabs the pen into GoldenGrapes leg, much to his intense pain_)

Grape: What the fu-

Saten: (_sadistically_) HOW UGLY IS SHE NOW!?

Grape: Okay.. Okay.. She's not ugly.

Saten: Good.. *rips the pen out*... And just remember. I'll be watching you..

Grape: *gulps* noted.

* * *

Saten Twist was helping AppleJack try to find Twilight. When suddenly they banged into SilverNeedle (**another borrowed OC**).

SilverNeedle: (_makes creepy joke_).

Saten: *laughs and claps hooves like little kid* Ohhh, I like him.

SilverNeedle: Sup ponies!?

Saten: *claps hooves again* This guy.. We're has this guy been all this time!?

SilverNeedle: *to Saten* Wanna do some crack *shows beg* I have some of the best kinds.

Saten: Su-

AppleJack: *pulls Saten away* Nope..

Saten: What gives!? We were really hitting it off!?

AppleJack: Look suger.. As your friend. Ah can't have y'all hanging with druggies.. It's bad enough yer a alcoholic.

Saten: *chuckles* nice of you to be concerned.

AppleJack: Can we just find Twilight.

Saten: Sure.. *points up* She's up there.

AppleJack: *looks up and sure enough, there she is* Oh. How'd ya do that so quickly?

Saten: I saw her five minutes ago.. I just like messing with people.

AppleJack: *cutely chuckles* That's pretty good actually.

Saten: *suddenly sees someone, from off view* Hey. Isn't that Trixie Lunamoon?

AppleJack; Oh.. So it is.

Saten: *aniously* Can we go say hi to her. I want to know if she remembers me.

AppleJack: Umm... Sure. Why not.

Saten: *calls out* Trixie! It's me!

Trixie: *looks over, and suddenly she gasps before running away in fear*

AppleJack: *laughs* She 'differently' remembers ya

* * *

Twilight was greeting everybody. When suddenly AppleJack approached her.

Twilight: A.J. What a unexpected pleasure (hugs her).

AppleJack: Yes. I-

Derpy: *ends up banging into Twilight as well, and happily hugs her*

Twilight: *chuckles* Yes. Yes. Nice seeing you too Derpy.

Derpy: *sees her wearing the dress from when she first became an alicorn* you look pretty in that.

Twilight: Thanks.. Yours is nice too. *not sure what Derpy's dress should look like. Except for being then same shade of grey, as her fur or whatever horses have.. I'm not good with that stuff. So shut up*

Derpy: By the way. You ever been interviewed about being a princess and all that?

Twilight: Once.. But people don't seem to like doing it anymore. Not sure why..

* * *

CUT AWAY (based on a Jimmy Tatro video):

Mastersword as an interviewer: Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.

Twilight: Sure.

Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?

Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.

Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?

Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.

Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.

Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.

Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!

Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*

Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?

Twilight: *still reading off them*

Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady!?

Twilight: .. Dedication.

Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?

End cutaway:

* * *

AppleJack: Wow.. That's. Interesting.

Twilight: I gue-

Saten: *comes out of nowhere. Clearly drunk* Princeeeeeeess!

Twilight: *uncomfortably* Hello, Saten Twist.

Saten: *hugs her, much to her uncomfort about his smell of being drunk* Congrats on being a prin-(hiccup)-cess.

Twilight: *awkward chuckle* Thank yo-

Saten: I found you a present!

Twilight: What kinda prese- OH MY GOD!

Saten: *holding live snake* I found her outside. *gives the snake to Twilight. Cause he is too drunk to see her fear of it*

Saten: Your welco- *falls down a bunch of stairs, rather painfully*

Derpy: Saten! *speed flies over to him*

Saten: *off view* Good thing I'm drunk.

Applejack: *pets the snake* She's cute.

Twilight: JUST GET IT OFF!

AppleJack: *laughs, and gets the snake off Twilight, and puts it out a window to roam free*

* * *

Derpy was helping Saten up. But a pony was making making rude comments about him. Derpy glared at the particular pony. But is too soft to actually do something about it.. So she mostly just ignored the pony.

* * *

MUCH LATER

* * *

The Grand Gollaping Gala party had finally come to an end.

Everyone started leaving. Saten Twist met up with Derpy and AppleJack.

AppleJack: *to Derpy* Wait. Were's GoldenGrape?

Derpy: Yeah.. Uhh.. About that.. *sadly* I think he dumped me.

Saten: *holding beer bottle* What!? Why!?

Derpy: *trying not to cry* He. He didn't say.

Saten: *growls* Ohh.. I'll see about that.

Saten: *gently pushes Derpy onto AppleJack* Comfort her A.J.. There's something I gotta do..

AppleJack: *pats Derpy's back, as Derpy decided to may as well start hugging her* Umm... Okay.

* * *

GoldenGrape is at the bar, finishing one of those 'shots' of alcohol. Suddenly Saten Twist approached him.

Saten: *still carrying beer bottle, and looking angry* What the hell man!? Did you dump my cousin!?

Grape: I'm sorry.. She just wasn't my type, didn't take it too badly did she?

Saten: I'm not sure yet.. But I sure hope not.

Grape: I hope she didn't hear all the bad stuff I called her, behind her back.

Saten: Wait.. You what!?

Grape: I'm sorry. She's just annoying, and kinda weird

Saten: *angrily* Take that back you dick!

Grape: I'm sorry. But she is.

Saten: I see... *drinks some of his beer* Umm. That's good stuff.. *silence*.. *Suddenly Saten smashes the bottle on the top of GoldenGrapes head, makes Grape cry out in agony*

Grape: WHAT THE HELL!

Saten: SHUT UP! *knocks Grapes head against the counter before aggressively throwing Grape off the stool that Grape was sitting on*

Grape: Your a crazy person!

Saten: *rather pleasantly* thank you.. *kicks Grape aggressively*

Saten: *angrily* Now stay away from cousin!

Grape: I don't have to lesson to yo- *gets aggressively kicked again* Okay! Okay! *runs off in fear*

* * *

Saten caught up with the girls again, and they headed towards one of the carriages they arrived in. But before she got in, AppleJack stopped Saten

AppleJack: Well.. Ah have to admit. Ah actually really enjoyed yer company.

Saten *anxiously* that mean-

AppeJack: Still 'just friends'.. But least ah will no longer be ashamed about calling you one.

Saten: So.. NOW you make out!?

AppleJack: Not in yer life.. But a hug. Ah can offer one of those.

Saten: Close enough *they hug softly*

Random Stallion: Haha! Get a room!

Saten: *growls* Excuse me. *lets go of AppleJack, and being mad about the stallion ruining the moment, he punches the stallion in the face, knocking him out*

AppleJack: *briefly covers her hooves over her mouth. She clearly wasn't expecting that*

Saten: *annoyedly while heading to the carriage* Alright, let's go.

AppleJack: *silently follows*

* * *

END OF STORY 7


	8. Chapter 8

Saten: Guys what's with all the vines?

AppleJack: ah don't know. But it'll soon take over all of ponyville considering how fast it's moving.

Satan: Yeah. Fast.. Just like in-

AppleJack: Okay! We get it! Yer used in a car racing story.. Will ya ever shut up about it!?

Saten: We'll see..

* * *

Saten: Soo.. Ponyville is being invaded by huge vine like plants? And the princess's have been captured?

Twi: Yes.. Except for me.

Saten: (_turns to AppleJack_) Hey.. Remember how you keep saying "only when hell freezes over".. Well.. I think this qualifies..

AppleJack: What are ya talking abo-

Saten: (_thinking it might be some kind of "end of the world" deal, Saten suddenly kisses her on the lips, much to her complete shock_).

AppleJack: (_quickly pulls him away_).. _blushing_) Umm..

Saten: Yeah.. By the way, your a terrible kisser.

AppleJack: Wha- .. But ah wasn't trying

Saten: (_jokingly_) Suuuure.

Twi: Guys.. Can we please focus on the matter at hand.

Pinkie: Twilight is right.. I'm sick of all this twists and turns.

Twilight: Wait.. Twists and turns..

Twi: (_goes over to window_) Half day, half night... strange weather patterns... out of control plants. I think I'm starting to get a pretty good idea of who we're up against.

* * *

Discord: Don't get me wrong. I absolutely loooove what you did with the place. But I can't take responsibility. I'm reformed. Don't you remember?

Dash: Yeah, right! This has got your cloven hoofprints all over it!

Discord: I'll have you know that I have only ''one'' cloven hoof.. Such accusations. And here I thought we were friends?

Pinkie: Drop the act buster! We're one too you!

Discord: Ladies. Please. We'll I lie to you.

all them but Fluttershy: YES!

Fluttershy: Umm.. Maybe.

Saten: Ohh.. Can you all keep it down, I'm starting to have a headache.

Discord: Annd. Who are you suppose to be?

Saten: Never you mind who I am.. Look. Why don't we just chop the vines down.. I still have Dan's old axe.. He's always so nice to me..

* * *

CUTAWAY:

Dan (_Yes. Same Dan from Dan Vs_): You are the worst person I have ever known! And I hope you burn in hell *slams door violently*

Saten: Okay. Bye.. (_starts leaving_) What a nice guy he is.

Dan: (_from inside he is seen angrily stabbing a Saten Twist voodoo doll_) WHY!? ISN'T!? THIS!? WORKING!?*

END CUTAWAY:

* * *

Twi: (_sees them all staring at her confusedly, including Saten Twist, as he and Dash were seen hovering_) W. why are you all staring at me like that?

AppleJack: It's just... Ya were mumblin' ta yourself...

Pinkie: Ooh! And don't forget the uncontrollable sobbing!

Fluttershy: We were really worried.

Saten: I for one thought it was hilarious.

Discord: I second that.. Sort of a one-pony theater piece, if you will. (_shows the humorish verison of her crying_). You should really consider taking it on the road.

Twi: I saw something from a long time ago. But it didn't explain what's happening now.

* * *

Discord: (_dressed as camera man, and holding camera_) Oh, I do hope she breaks into a song this time!

Saten: Haha! Nice! (_he and Discord brohoof_)

* * *

Saten: The tree of what now!?

Twi: It's where Princess Celestia and Princess Luna found the Elements. I think it's in danger.

Saten: Then let's go.

Twi: Not you., This is too important.

Saten: So?

Twi: It's just.. You don't always seem to have everyone's best interest at heart.

Saten: Everyone's best interest.. Dude! I am a man of dignity!.. (_smokes a large glass bong full of marijuana_)

Twi: Look.. Just watch Discord for us.

Saten: (_coughs violently_) Fine. Fine..

* * *

AppleJack: So.. We're excatly is this "tree of harmony"

Twi: It's in.. (_points to ever green forest_) there..

Discord: Oh. Hoho.. I'm gonna need more popcorn!

* * *

The girls left into the forest.

Discord: So.. Guess they're gone.

Saten; Yeah.. I can do anything I want. (_takes out the weed bong again_)

Discord: Umm.. I don't think they were stopping you from taking that.

Saten: Yeah. But they 'were' stopping me from robbing you bu- screw it. Give me your wallet!

Discord: Excuse me!?

Saten: You heard me I said (_points knife_) GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!

Discord: *(_nervously hands it over_)

Saten: (_takes it_).. This wallet sucks.. You have bad stuff.

* * *

Twi: That was close.

AppleJack: (_sighs_) A little too close, if ya ask me. Ya sure yer are alright?

Twi: I'm fine. I just can't seem to get these new wings to do what I want them to do when I want them to do it.

Dash: Aw, you'll figure it out eventually.

Twi: "eventually" isn't good enough.

AppleJack: Ya have been having an awful lot of trouble with those things. And, well, who knows what else is gonna to come after us? Ya know, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea for Twilight to go back to Ponyville and let us look for the Tree of Harmony without her.

Twi: What!? Why!?

AppleJack: For starters, yac just about got eaten by a cragadilly.

Twi: We all did. It wasn't just me.

AppleJack: Sure, but... well, the rest of us aren't princesses.

Twi: Bu-

Rarity: Applejack does make a valid point. Even if we manage to save the Tree of Harmony, it won't necessarily mean Princess Celestia and Princess Luna will return. Equestria will need somepony to lead in their absence.

Twi: I'm not the only alicorn still standing.. Remember Ditto?

Rarity: Oh.. But isn't he like a thousand years old or something?

Twi: I guess.. But he's an alicorn, age doesn't matter as much.

Dash: But most ponies don't know him like we do. They don't even trust him. So why would they lesson to him as a ruler?

Twi: Oh.. He has his ways.

* * *

CUTAWAY:

Ditto: (_is seen angrily yelling at the ponies of Canterlot, because they must of been saying mean things about him_)

Twi: Umm.. I'm going to Ponyville now.

Ditto: (_sudden happiness_) Okay. Give Scooty my best.

Ditto: (_back to angrily yelling at the ponies_)

Twi: Umm.. Okay *nervously leaves*

END CUTAWAY:

* * *

AppleJack: Look. We all just find it too risky.

Twi: you 'all' feel this way?

(_the girls node_)

Twi: F-fine (_tearfully leaves_)

* * *

Twilight rejoined with Discord and Saten Twist.

Discord: Ahh.. About time you ladies returned.

Twi: Just me actually..

Discord: Still better then Saten. All he seems to be is off putting and angry.

Saten: (_face gets even redder then already is, out of anger_) Offputting!? ANGRY!?

Discord: *pats him* Thaats just the tip of the old ice burg there.

Twi: (_chuckles_) You have 'no' idea.

* * *

CUTAWAY:

Master Sword: Alright. Saten. Your my only other choice for assitent soccer coach.

Saten: No problem.. I love little kids.. *to the filly soccor team* Alright. Do your best okay. Your all winners here. Despite what the score board says.. *five seconds later he gets angry at them for messing up somehow, and calls them back in* What is wrong with you!.. Okay new strategy.. Lose this game and I will murder you!. Every single one of you. Multiple stab wounds. And break!. (_they go back to playing_)

Sword: Dude. I don't think it's the best idea for you to be threatening the fillies.

Saten: Sticks and stones man. Words will never hurt... SCOOTALOO! If they score on you! I swear I'm gonna rip you in half with a chainsaw!

Sword: (_nervous laugh_) H. He's joking Scoot's.

Sword: Dude. I thought you said you were gonna control your temper.

Saten: (_anxiously pacing_) I am in complete control... BUTTONMASH! If you don't score this time! I will stuff thirty pounds of raw meat! UP YOUR ARM!

Sword: Is that even possible!?

(_later when the other team scores_)

Saten: (_angrily throws larn chair_) DEFENSE! YOU HEARD OF DEFENCE!

Sword: You need to calm down. Your going crazy on me here.

Saten: (_enraged_) I'm crazy because I REFUSE TO LOSE!?

Sword: I-

Saten: (_throws something_) GOD DAMN IT MAN!. My feet are strapped to the bicycle on this one! I will do anything it takes TO WIN!.. Even it means lying!.. (_prepares to punch one of the fillies_) OR PHYSICALLY HURTING SOMEONE!

Sword: (_pulling him back_) That's it.. No more coffee for you.

END CUTAWAY:

* * *

Discord: Well. Anyway.. No luck finding your tree then?

Twi: We ran into some trouble. And my friends decided it would be best if I returned to Ponyville while they continue the search. Equestria will need me if Princess Celestia and Princess Luna don't return.

Discord: I'm just surprised that you agreed to their plan. I never thought you'd be the kind of pony who would think she was better than everypony else.

Twi: I don't think I'm better then everypon-

Saten: Every'body'

Twi; Oh. Shut. Up.

Discord: Oh, well, how silly of me to assume that you would think that. All you did was choose to keep your precious princess self out of harm's way while your friends thrust themselves right into it. I'm sure you'll all be the best of pals again when they return from their terrifying yet deeply bonding experience that they're having without you. [chuckles].

Twi: Damn you discord! (_runs back in_)

Spike: Oh come on. It's discord. He's just trying to get under your : Well.. It's working.

Saten: Wait., (_flies after her_) What if she gets lost..

* * *

Twi: Saten Twist!? I thought I told you stay with Discord.

Saten: I was afried you'd get lost.. Besides. Discord's fine.

Twi: Fine.. But try to behave yourself.

Saten: Can do.

Twi: ... How's Derpy by the way.

Saten: Don't know.. Haven't seen her since the last time I was with Master Sword.

* * *

CUTAWAY, (_my own verision of WORDS OF WIS-DUMB, hurt feelings.. There's part of two I felt would of liked even more, if it were this way_):

Saten: (_pulls over the bully to Derpy_) Now., apologize.

Pony: Okay.. I'm sorry your she's an idiot.

Saten: Hey!.. I'm gonna ask nicely. That you so my lovely cousin a little repect.

Pony: Your cousin.. Man. Your family must be so proud have so such smart ponies.

Saten: fuck you man.. This is your last warning.

Derpy: (_somewhat annoyed_) Cousin.. Just hit him already.

Saten: (_evil grin, and grabs a pole like object_) Anything for you sweetie.. (_violently smashes the ponies face in, knocking out a few teeth_)

Derpy: Much better..

*LATER*

Sword: Your cousin single.

Saten: I guess wh- Oh no.. No way. Don't even think about it!

Sword: Just once.. Please.

Saten: No... You just end up hurting her.. And I'll end up killing you.. And not simple killings either. I mean like really creative killings. Like in those SAW movies.

Sword: (_ends up asking her out anyway_)

Saten: She'll never agre- (_Derpy agrees_)

Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.

Sword: Wha-

Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.

Derpy: (_laughs_) you did?..

Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*

Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!

Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (_to Saten_) Tell her what you did a the other day.

Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.

Sword: (_angrily_) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!

Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.

Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.

Saten: Oh! Differently (_they highfive_)

Sword: (_arrogantly_) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?

Satan: No-

Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.

Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.

Sword: Good enough. *leaves*

Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.

Derpy: Fine.

Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with poop thing..

CUTAWAY ENDS.

* * *

Saten Twist and the girls finally found and rescued the princess's.

Luna: And who's this?

Saten: I'm Saten Twist.. And your prettier in person.

Luna: Well.. Thank you. But please don't get to close, you have bad breath. And a creepy look to you.

Saten: Well.. You could of just as easily thanked me for saving your 'royal a-

Celestia and Twilight: (_desperately tries to change the subject_)

Saten: (_still to Luna_) Bitch!

Celestia: (_desperately changing subject_) So.. I hope everything's been alright.

Twi: Depends on how well our Ditto was able to handle, controlling Canterlot joining my absence.

Luna: Oh. Yes. Ditto.. What's his role again?

Celestia: Rather then keeping us at peace with Chrysalis. I don't think he has one. But he's a good leader nonetheless.

* * *

Saten: Well.. With that all done.. I guess I have nothing left to do, but return to reading creepypastas..

* * *

CUT AWAY:

Rainbow: This! Is the Rainbow Factory. Just think of it like a big old party.. *evil whisper like tone* Except your not allowed to leaaaaaaaave

* * *

End of story 8..


	9. Chapter 9

**This story takes place many years ago.. And it's as close as I can get to a "Derpy episode".. She's the biggest breakout character of my series. And deserves her own episode of it..**

* * *

Filly Derpy: (_jumping on bed, but her eyes seen as normal and she dosen't have her cutie mark_)

Colt Saten: Hey Derp. Quite that already, your gonna hurt yourself.

Filly Derpy: (_stubbornly_) Shut up! Your not the boss of me.. (_bangs her head on the roof, making her have the cross eyed design_).

Colt Saten: My god, you okay!?

Filly Derpy: (_calmly and unaware of her new look_) Sure, why do you ask?

* * *

SOON AFTER:

* * *

Colt Saten: Told you, you were gonna hurt.

Filly Derpy: Just shut up. (looks in mirror) My eyes look terrible.

Colt Saten: No.. They look unique. Just like you yourself.

Filly Derpy: Whatever.

Colt Saten: But anyway,. Just please don't tell your mom that this happened at my house.. She'll automatically blame me. Like she always dose..

Filly Derpy: Fine. Whatever. Just as long as nobody makes fun of.

Colt Saten: Relax. No one is gonna make fun of yo-

Reggie: Hey! Nice eyes Derpy.. Makes you look even stupider then before..

Filly Derpy: *whimpers*

Saten: Hey.. Screw off Reggie. Nobody likes you.

Reggie: Screw off.. But I only just started.. (_containues making fun of Derpy_).

Saten: Whatever.. I'm just trying to put this knife away (_shows a bread knife_).

Filly Derpy: It goes in the kitchen silly (_chuckles_)

Colt Saten: Thank yo- (_suddenly the famish rainboom happened, and it shook the ground causing Saten to loose his balance and unintentionally stab Reggie in the head, instantly killing him_)

Filly Derpy: (_turning away from window_) Hey cuz did you se- OH MY GOD!

Colt Saten: I'm sorry!

Filly Derpy: Is that Reggie!? DID YOU STAB REGGIE!?

Colt Saten: It was an accident!

Filly Derpy: How can it be an accident!?

Colt Saten: I'M SOR-

* * *

LATER AT A LOCAL BAR:

Colt Saten: (_on his third beer, but strangely still sober (for the most part_).

Filly Derpy: (_anxiously pacing_) Oh.. What if they find us!? I'm too cute for jail!

Colt Saten: Try to keep your voice down.. And besides. They can't find us. We threw both the body and the knife into the ocean.

Filly Derpy: (_still pacing_) But there's always a way.. Don't you ever watch those crime shows?

Filly Saten: Relax.. Go home and put Marijuana into some of your muffins.

Colt Derpy: That's just it.. That's usually how I would handle this type of situation. But.. I'm just too frightened.

_(awkward silence)._

Filly Derpy; We have to leave town.

Colt Saten: Leave town?.. But what about Glaze and Trixie?

Filly Derpy: We're send them letters.

Colt Saten: But Derp-

Filly Derpy: Pleease.. I'll make me feel so much safer.

Colt Saten: Fine.. Anything for you cuz. But the only one who knows a good way to getta of town is Glaze's ex boyfriend, Chimney Sweep.

Filly Derpy: But.. He's in jail.

Colt Saten; Then we just have to bust him out.. Besides. He was always so nice too me.

* * *

_CUT AWAY:_

_Colt Chimney: (throws Saten against wall violently)_

_Colt Saten: Oh, ho.. Now your gonna beat me up? That's exactly why I called you an asshole in the first place!_

_Colt Chimey: SHUT UP! (violently beats him up)._

_END CUTAWAY:_

* * *

Colt Saten: Yep. We shared some good times.

* * *

SEVERAL DAYS LATER:

* * *

Guard: You must of been counting your blessings Chimney. You made bail.

* * *

Patrol board member: Do you believe, in your best judgment, that you have been rehabilitated?

Colt Chimney: Rehabilitated? It's just a stupid, made-up word, so boys like you can sit behind a desk, wear a fancy suit, and feel important. You're a jerk, and I had sex with your mother last night. And I swear to God, you let me outta here, first thing I'm gonna do is kill again!

Patrol board member: (_approves him for bail_).

* * *

Colt Chimney: Well. Thanks for bailing me out you two.

Filly Derpy: No problem.

Colt Chimney: Shit Derpy. What happened to your eyes!? You look like a puppy that was chewed up by an even bigger puppy. Hahahah- but seriously, you look great.

Filly Derpy: Look. We need you to help us get out of town. My cousin ended up killing Reggie.

Colt Saten: And somehow get a cutie mark for it.

Colt Chimney: Wait.. Reggie?.. Derpy, isn't he the one who punched you in the throat, and that's why your voice changed

Filly Derpy: No. He punched me in the throat BECAUSE my voice changed.

* * *

YEARS LATER, _(their all at their current age)._

* * *

AT THE FILLYDEFIA TRAIN STATION:

Derpy: Oh no. The line is so long. We're never get aboard.

Chimney: (_imitating an sarcastic Rarity_) Oh no, what EVER shall we do.

Chimney: (_normal voice_) Watch and learn my dear... (_suddenly he takes out a live and loaded handgun and fires it several times into the air, successfully causing panic, and all the ponies ahead of them ran away in fear_). There, problem salved. Now you two better hurry on there.

Saten: Aren't, you gonna come.

Chimney: You kidding. This train is heading to Ponyville. That place is as stupid as it gets, I can see why you chose it.

Saten: Yeah well., I can't stay with my stupid mother, Maddy no more. She hasn't changed. She's still the abusive, drunken mare, she always was.. She did a shitty job raising me, and she clearly hasn't changed..

Chimney: Yeah. Only she's a prositute now.

Derpy: Could we say that?

Chimney: Just did.

* * *

ON THE MOVING TRAIN:

Derpy: This works out for the best. I was tired of my stupid, dead end job.

* * *

_CUTAWAY:_

_Derpy: (literary hammering a dead end road sign) THIS JOB SUCKS!_

_END CUTAWAY:_

* * *

Saten: Sorry. What was that.. Still having day nightmares about my mothers 'revealing' outfits.

Stallion: Hey. Can you idiots keep it down!

Saten: Hey. No need for that.

Stallion: Just shut up. Just go back to talking to the crossed eyed freak over there.

Saten: *angrily* Before I knock out every single one of your teeth.. I'm gonna give you a final chance to apologize for that remark.

Stallion: I NEVER apologize for the tru- (_gets violently punched in the face, but surprisingly by Derpy instead of Saten_).

Stallion: You aggressive woman! (_runs off crying like baby_).

Derpy: Wimp!

Saten: Wow... I am so proud of you wait now.

Derpy: Thanks.. I guess.

Derpy: Anyway. What now?

Saten: Only one thing TOO do..

* * *

SOON AFTER:

* * *

Saten and Derpy are seen sharing a weed joint, as only 'one' was able to be sneaked aboard.

Derpy: (_stoned_) I.. I'm telling you. T The only reason we die.. I Is because we except it as an inevitability.

Saten: ... (_stoned laugh and points at the joint_) This shit is AWESOME! (_they both laugh, and high five)._

* * *

The train finally arrived in Ponyville. Almost instantly, Pinkie Pie was there to reach introduce herself. She still knew the Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow and Fluttershy back then. But the others never met each other yet.

Pinkie: Welcome to Ponyville.

Derpy: Wow.. Back in Fillydefia. We would of gotten robbed by now.

Saten: (_shrugs unsurely_).

Pinkie: Want me to give you a tour?

Derpy: We.. We don't have any money.

Pinkie: (pets Derpy's head) Oh. Your so silly, you don't need money for this.

Derpy: Okay then.. As long as you don't pet me like that. We'll be happy to.

Pinkie: (_pets her head again_) great.

Derpy: (_groans_)

Saten: (_snickers to himself_).

* * *

Pinkie showed Derpy and Saten all over Ponyville, eventually they ended up at sweet apple aches.

Saten: (eyes widen) Holly cow.. Who's that!?

Pinkie: Oh that.. That's Applejack.

Saten: She's.. Beauitful.

Derpy: Really? Not really something I'd look twice at. (_looks at AJ again_), No wait, never mind..

Pinkie: (_calling out_) Hey AppleJack! Come meet the new folks.

AJ: (_comes over_) greetings.

Saten: (_has trouble finding his tongue_)..

AJ: Are ya okay?

Saten: Yeah.. It's just.. (sigh) would you go out with me?

AJ: (_pauses_)... Sure.

Saten: R Really?

AJ: Sure. Why not.. Just give mah an hour or so (_leaves_)

Pinkie &amp; Derpy both: Wow... Impressive.

Saten: Really? Cause I almost shitted myself.

Derpy: Oh.. I'm sure you two would be 'perfect' together.

* * *

WEEK AND A HALF LATER

* * *

AJ: (_sadly_) Ah.. Ah think we need ta break up

_Saten: (holding large wine bottle, having finally opened it_) What!? Why!?

AJ: It's.. It's just not working out.

Saten: Why!?

AJ: Well.. For one thing. Ya drink WAY ta much

Saten: No I don't! (_ends up chugging down the entire bottle of wine in less then five minutes, much to AJ's shock_).

Saten: (_burbs_)... What? I was thirsty.

AJ: Look sugercube.. I'm sorry.. But Ah need ta move on towards bigger, better, things.

Saten: ... Like meth?

AJ: (_annoyed_) No. Not like me-

Saten: Want some?

AJ: No ah don't wan- WHY DO YA HAVE METH!?

Saten: Relax. I don't use it. I only sell it..

* * *

AFTER THE EVENTS OF EPISODE 1

* * *

Everyone was enjoying the party. Saten who didn't come as he was still depressed from AJ having dumped him. And Derpy, being very protective of him and mad at AppleJack for upsetting him, tricked the western pony into having one of Derpy's 'special' muffins.

AJ: (_eating it quickly_) this is delicious. What's in it?

Derpy: Oh you know. Dough. Blueberries.. Bit of pot.

AJ: (_nervously_) What was that last part!?

Derpy: ... Raisins.

AJ: THAT'S NOT WHAT YA SAID!

Derpy: Whatever. Just be glad this is a party for that new girl. Because your gonna be hungry.. A LOT

* * *

After the party. Derpy found Saten Twist sitting sadly ontop of a hill, holding a eggnog box and drinking from it.

Derpy: Hey cuz.. Still upset about AppleJack?

Saten: Well. It's not JUST Applejack. It's just.. I'm starting to realize. Nobody loves me.. Not Glaze, not AppleJack. Not even my own mother. ESPECIALLY not my mother..

Derpy: That's not true.. Someone would always love you.. Me!

Saten: (_chuckles_) fair enough (_kisses her cheek_). Eggnog?

Derpy: Laxtose.

Saten: : It's just Vodka. Stopped being eggnog about two hours ago.

Derpy: in that case (_grabs it and takes hug drink out of it_).

Saten: (_laughs_) hey, save some for me.

Derpy: Right. Sorry.. (_hands it back to him_).

Saten: (_takes anouther drink of it_).

Derpy: (_looks around, and wraps her arm around Saten_) All in all.. I think we're gonna like it here.

Saten: (_burps_) sorry.

* * *

END OF EPISODE 9


	10. Chapter 10

AT RESTURANT:

Trixie: I'm glad your finally over AppleJack.. Who needs her anyway. She didn't understand you.. You need someone who dose understand you.. Someone who you knew your entire life..

Saten: You mean Derpy?

Trixie: Well.. Sure.. Derpy.. But I meant some else who knew you for your entire life. And she always had a thing for you.. Who knows.. She might be sitting _**wait in**_ _**front of you**_.

Saten: (_oblivious_) I honestly have no idea what your going on about Trixie. But your voice is soothing, and strangely I feel better.. (_happily_) Thanks, you always such a great friend.

Trixie: (_sighs_) Sure... _Friend_.

Saten: (_gets up_) Anyway. I gotta go.. Sorry again for trying to kill you, last time we were here.

Trixie: (_shrugs_) You were drunk.

Saten: If it makes you feel better. I'm really trying to cut back on alcohol.

Trixie: I sincerely doubt that.. But if you say.

Saten: (_leaves_).

Trixie: (_sighs_) Guess Trixie's paying again..

* * *

Saten: Your dating Master Sword!?

Derpy: What's the big deal?

Saten: He's nuts. Don't you remember when I first met him.

* * *

CUTAWAY:

Saten: (_a year or two ago_) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?

Mare: Wait though there (_points at Master Swords office_)

Saten: (_starting going in_).

Master Sword: (_hiding behind wall_) Come on. Come on.

Saten: (_walks in_) Excuse me I-

Sword: (_tackles him and start violently beating him up_)... (_stops_).. Sorry. (_pants_). I thought you were the mafia.

Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.

Sword: Who?

Saten: I've been asked to interview you.

Sword: Interview!?. (_eyes narrow_) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (_jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance_).

END CUTAWAY:

* * *

Derpy: Look. Dating him is my own choice.. I know your my guardian Saten. But I'm a grown woman.

Saten: Well.. Not to me your not. Your still a little girl in my eyes.

Derpy: That's sweet. But you have to let me make my own choices.

Saten: Fine.. But if he hurts you in anyway. I will rip his heart out.

Derpy: Well. I have a good feeling about this guy. So I don't think it'll come to that.. And anyway. I thought you said were gonna clean this place up.

Saten: I did clean it up.

Derpy: Looks excatly the same!

Saten: (_reveals the whole coffee table is full of empty beer bottles_) I had a few drinks when I finished.

Derpy: Grr.. I thought you said were quitting drinking.

Saten: Well.. I-

(_doorbell rings_)

Derpy: (_claps happily_) Oh. He's here!.. (_sternly to Saten_) Try to behave yourself.

Master Sword: (_waiting at other side of door, spraying mouth spray. But it ends up going into his eye, due to bad aim, and he begins freaking out, and unfortantly Derpy sees him doing so_).

Derpy: Um.. (_giggles cutely_) Nervous much?

Sword: I.. I, I, I..

Derpy: (_kisses his cheek_)

Sword: Umm... (_awkwardly_) Okay. So that happened.

Derpy: (_closes door and start walking a bit_) Any plan?

Sword: Well I-

Saten: (_bursts open door_) HAHA! Keep away from my precious little flower!

Derpy: (_gasps_)

Saten: You guys almost stepped on it (_rakes lone flower on the front yard_).

Derpy: (_growls_) Saten!

Saten: What?

Derpy: Forget.. Let's just go Swordy (_takes Master Sword's hoof, and starts leading the way_).

* * *

Scootaloo: Whatever they decide AppleBloom. We're here for you.

SB: Yeah, even if it changes things forever and ever.

Scootaloo: Yeah. Because either way. We've been though worse.

* * *

CUTAWAY (spoof towards my OWN story):

Spike: Wait, are you drunk.

Ditto: (_drunk_) I've been out he-(_hiccup_)-re for a WHile.. Who here thinks I can kick my own ass!?

SB: (_raises hoof into the air, as to vote for a "yes_").

Ditto: (_gags_).

Scoot: Are you gonna be sick mister?

Ditto: Yes. I need to go throw up. B But then I'll be back.. T To tell y'all my plans.. (_runs off_).

(_PLEASE STAND BY SCREEN_).

Ditto: (_flies into view, but still holding empty beer bottle_).. Alright. I'm back, and I'm MUCH more sober.

Spike: We sincerely doubt that.. But if you say so.

Ditto: Alright.. My name is Ditto. You probably heard of me.

Spike: Yes! You kidnapped Twilight!

Ditto: Who?.. Oh, right, her.. But look. Either way.. You guys are part of my plan now, and I'm never gonna release you, not ti-.. (_the Cusaders are seen giving puppy eyes_).. Stop doing that! That isn't fair!. (_they containue_).. Seriously! It's too much.. Just sto- (_he gets tackled by Rainbow, and ends up in a fist fight_)..

Rainbow: I'll kick your ass!

Ditto: We're see. (_breaks the bottle on a tree, but a piece falls into his eye socket, interrupting the scene_).. AHH! Glass in my eye! Glass in my EYE!

Scoot: Dose it hurt?

Ditto: (_angrily_) OF COARSE IT FUCKIN HURTS!

SB: Push against the side of your eye.

Ditto: (_starts doing so_) It's not working!

Rainbow: Really gotta twist at it.

Ditto: I'm TWISTING!

SB: Now take it out. With ANOUTHER piece of glass!

Ditto: Are you FRIGGIN insane!?

SB: (_awkwardly_) .. I I'll get a first aid kit (_runs to do so_)

END CUTAWAY:

* * *

SB: Yes.. How can we forget about that guy. You still write to him Scootaloo, after he was reformed and all?

Scoot: (_proudly_) sure do.. He's chief of the guards now.

AB: Makes since.

Granny Smith: (_comes into view_) We have decided.. Your old enough to stay home and handle the chores for us, the whole afternoon.

Crusaders: (_gasps_)

AB: Ah accept your decision.

Crusaders: (_cheer_)

* * *

END OF EPISODE TEN


	11. Chapter 11

**I think I might be done with the series... (for now) To make up for this. Here's a bunch of random scenes,.**

* * *

Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?

Sword: (_there with Fluttershy_) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (_gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view_).

Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?

Sword: I know my way around a jo- (_starts getting beat up again_).

Pony: For god sakes! Have some humility! It'll save your life!

* * *

Saten: W What's going on?

Pinkimena: Your number came up. And it's time I turned you into a cupcake.

Saten: What you mean..

Pinkimena: I'm gonna slowly kill you, and eat your body.

Saten: Oh my god.. THAT IS SO HOT!

Pinkimema: Excuse m-

Saten: If I get outta this. I'm gonna totally have sex with you!

Pinkimena: Your crazy. I like that... Too bad you still have to die. (_rips his wings off_).

Saten: (_between screams of pain_) I'm having the BEST time..

* * *

AJ: (_happily to Twilight_) Your brothers getting married!?

Saten: (_laughs_) What an idiot! Love never lasts! (_gets punched in the arm by AJ_) Ow.


End file.
